One of the main things the Dalai Lama emphasises from the very opening of The Art of Happiness is that the pursuit of happiness is natural, positive, and common to all humans, and that it is possible to attain the ever-illusive state we call happiness. So far so good. As books go, this one has challenged my thinking a great deal, throughout, making it a worthwhile read - however, in order for it to truly help you, you must think about what the Dalai Lama is saying, deeply. You have to pause and contemplate all through the book, and try to apply his tactics and reasoning to your everyday life instead of letting the concepts float over your head like a lonely balloon. For that reason, I wanted to write about what I personally learned from this book.Perhaps you don't have the time to read the book, or you want a taster first, or perhaps you are being put off by the Buddhist theme, no matter - sink your teeth into this.
1. The Importance of Self-Education
Now we aren't talking about strict academia here. We're talking about reading books about other cultures to reduce racism, visiting impoverished areas to increase your compassion, reading texts and talking to people to help increase your empathy, learning how to meditate, thinking deeply and analysing why we are feeling angry or hateful and applying tactics to eliminate these feelings. The Dalai Lama repeats over and over again that the main enemies to our happiness are anger and hatred, and his solution is to combat these harmful states of mind with understanding. When you understand that anger and hate are negative not only to those around you but to yourself, and even your health, then you can truly start to reason with your emotions and challenge them.
2. Pleasure vs Happiness
One of the first things I found helpful and easy to apply to my own life was the Dalai Lama's decision-making question: Will it bring me pleasure, or happiness? In order for this to mean anything you have to first understand the distinct difference between the two. Happiness is what we all strive for, it's more than a momentary feeling, it's a state of being, a goal. We're talking long-term here. Pleasure, on the other hand, is momentary. It's extremely short-lived and often shallow. So for example, let's say you are eyeing up a piece of cake in a cafe. You want that piece, you know it'll taste so good. But should you get it? Well, would eating that slice give you pleasure, or help you in any way along the road to happiness? Pleasure of course. Adding it to our waistline won't get us that nice body we are working towards, nor will forking out the money for it add to our savings account. Now this is basic logic, but the reason it's so useful is that it's simple, and can be applied to anything from that slice of cake, to weighing up whether or not to marry someone, or take up that job offer. Just ask yourself: Will this bring me pleasure, or happiness?
3. Your Enemies are Valuable
This may seem hard to swallow at first but give it a chance. Generally we surround ourselves with friends and loved-ones that add to our happiness, and because we have a natural aversion to those who mistreat us, we don't have many people in our lives that we could call enemies. But we all have a few. Maybe it's a condescending boss, an annoying classmate, a bully, a relative that you can't seem to agree on anything with, or even a parent. These people are so often the cause of our anger and hatred, and perhaps even our envy. All negative emotions. However, these enemies can play a major role in your spiritual journey to happiness. Just think of all the opportunities these people provide us with to practice our patience and tolerance on! If you can learn to appreciate your enemy and show them compassion, you can be sure that you can do the same to an ally. Now it's difficult, I know, but that's why it's so important! Our enemies evoke so much negative feeling in us, imagine if we could eliminate that. If you think of it as practice towards your journey, that can help. Or you could think more closely about this enemy and realise that their sole purpose in life is not to annoy you. They have friends, family, their own troubles, and they in many ways are good people. Once you find some positive qualities in someone you just can't stand, you're a step in the right direction. I've even used this myself. This thought that my enemies are still humans, who also only want happiness, and are obviously very lost on their journey really softened my feelings of anger and hatred towards them. And even those little annoying things the ones you love do are good practice for developing patience! I think this is the most important thing I've learned from this book, it's invaluable.
4. Suffering is Universal and Unfair but we're not Helpless
The Dalai Lama spoke quite a bit about suffering and how it is a part of life that every human must endure but we can severely reduce our suffering by changing our negative perspective on it, and our self-destructive habits. For example, what most people have an issue with is how utterly unfair suffering is. It's sporadic, it's random, and we don't deserve it. But the thing is, there is no 'deserving' suffering. It's inbuilt in life. Look at death for instance. Every single person on earth will have to mourn someone they cared about, it's a universal fact. You may say things like 'why should I suffer but not him?' or 'why should I help him if it means I'll suffer instead?', which all boils down to: What makes him more important than me? And here's the answer: He is not more important than you, no. But he is also no less important than you either. This evens the playing field. We're both just humans. If we think useless thoughts like how unfair suffering is, or ruminate over events and stresses, it only increases our suffering tenfold. And this part of the suffering we can eliminate. If we look at suffering objectively, and take suffering as what it is, we can get out a lot less wounded.
5. Patience and Tolerance are Key
These two babies are not only the antidotes to hatred and anger, they are crucial to maintaining peace of mind and can heal events of the past that still haunt us. Being patient and tolerant, as opposed to confrontational is often seen as a weakness, in Western society. This is so wrong, and it's so easy to see why. If you are patient and tolerant, you are not only refusing to fuel any already heated situation, but you are actively preventing any disturbance to your own personal calm, and peace of mind - which, let me tell you, is not easy folks, and is the definition of self-disciplined. This is not the same as being too terrified to confront someone, or some situation - this is knowing you could confront it, but choosing not to. Patience and tolerance, according to His Holiness, also creates and nurtures forgiveness. As you become more and more patient and tolerant, you naturally are more forgiving. Patience, tolerance, and in turn forgiveness are key to helping you let go of any negative feelings you may have associated with past events, helping you to leave the past in the past and finally move on.
These are only a small portion of the things I've learned from this book, and I plan to add to this list in my next blog post. This is the first proper Buddhist/personal growth book I've read, so I'm very open to suggestions for more titles like this! Thoughts? Opinions? Comment below.
Peace, love, light <3
