Team America, or Should I Say Team Stupid (My least Favourite Movie)

Today, as you can see from the title, I've decided to share with you all what I think is the worst movie ever. Now I'm a silly little lady, so anybody who assumes Team America is too silly for me may assume again. If you knew me, and knew my choice in boyfriend, you'd understand that I have nothing against ridiculously silly. But just plain stupid is a whole other story.

Let me give you a brief synopsis of the plot of the movie. Team America: World Police is "an American satirical action comedy film" which centres around the lives of these purposefully stupid and badly worked puppets. The director and writers of this film are also responsible for the series South Park, which is a bit more bearable. It basically takes the mickey out of high-budget action films, and plays up stereotypes, and clichés for giggles. I never thought I could hate anything so much, even though I don't mind that type of satire. In essence, it's all about Team America, a sort of police force who employ an actor to help them take down Kim Jong-il.

Now let me tell you why I was forced to sit through this garbage. It was le boif's birthday, last summer, and he had a little get together with some friends. It was winding down time (in other words, movie time) and everyone gathered around the TV, allowing the birthday boy to choose his flick. You get the picture... To my horror, every terribly stupid (stupid being the optimum word to describe this movie) joke or badly worked puppet scene had le boif and his bromantic friend in stitches, while all I could manage was to stifle a growl. The look on my face during this abomination was one of such fury and despair that le boif thought I was angry at him, and I couldn't even manage to speak from the shock. And now my explanation and slating begins...

Firstly, I didn't even know if I could bring myself to share any links from this movie, as the language is so vile and so is everything else, but I will share a couple to illustrate my point: this movie sucks.

Let's take these video as examples. What even is there to say?

The first video: So much disgusting, so much lowbrow, very stupid, so damn much stupid. And it takes so long too. Good Jesus. Help me. It physically injured my soul. How is this funny? Why must they hurt me like this? The prolonged horror is just... What? How?

The second video: Even worse that the first. Nothing even happens! Yes they make fun of the "here's the offer, and here's the door" choice where everyone chooses the offer, but it doesn't work! Just because you mix it up doesn't mean it's good! I know, I know, "it's satire, it's supposed to be stupid, that's the point", but people actually find this funny. That's what confounds me. It's so painfully bland and tasteless. How can boring and bland be entertaining? And the vast majority of the movie is like this.

I'll share with you one more video, that's the intro to the movie, and it illustrates my annoyance in regards to the "puppetry" in the fighting part, and the lame, unintelligent, trying so hard to be witty, and to show off a shoddy budget ($32 million to be exact, don't ask me how they managed to spend all that, or where it's all gone to). The entire thing is a masterpiece of abhorrence. It's genius at its best, and by genius I mean idiocy, and by best I mean worst.

Enjoy! And pity past me for having to sit through hours of this nonsense.

G.B.F. Jump Street

It is 01:20 and technically it is not today but tomorrow, but y'know, same difference. Yesterday was very nondescript apart from much movie viewing of the 21/22 Jump Street variety, both in cinema and home environments. Enjoyable I must say, but honestly, doesn't everyone, or at least every girl have a huge soft squishy marshmallow-y spot in their hearts for Jonah Hill. However, there is one problem with watching both movies in a row: confusion in the memory department. But then again, one forgets that when they see Channing Tatum (my Step Up fellow) with his shirt off, doing some parkour or something else impressive and muscle-y fit of that variety.

Today, not only have I been slightly creeped out and made jumpy by The Purge, but I was also miraculously cured by the gayest, jolliest, most quote-worthy movie that's ever been directed. This movie was indeed G.B.F. which of course stands for Gentile Bumbling Fish (I joke, Gay Best Friend of course), which I wouldn't be surprised if the four of us watching the amazing flick are the only ones to have ever seen it. It is beautiful, and the most intelligent, least predictable movie ever. While I may hate, I can't help but adore, I mean it's pure genius.

As short as this blog post is, I think I should return this iPad (which is totes awky to type on), and stop speaking to the internet before I blurt out something insane in my sleepy stupor (I love how that's a word). So Internet peeps, I'll play it like a Casanova and love you and leave you. Goodnight and such.